A Deep Pause

I am back to my dads. Out of the chill. But also out of the fresh air! I’ve been keeping my window open a bit at night so that I can sleep a bit better. My dad’s Alzheimers is advancing further. He does not know where he is most of the time. I’m on duty for evenings, bedtime routine, and nighttime redirections.

We’ve done some furniture shifting magic and created a room for me near to his room. The other night, middle of the night, “Dad, come out of the garage. Let me show you where your bed is.” or, “I’ve slept in this bed before” Yes, you live here. “I live here!” Yup, for some time now.

Or the middle of the night upon shifting the room, “I think I’m in an office building.” His room has four lights on the ceiling with two desks along one wall so he had concluded he was in an office building (these have always been in the room, a big room, but now he faces them when in bed). And at 3am as I was putting him back to bed he says, “But I’m worried that I won’t wake up in time before the office staff come.” It’s okay Dad, no office staff are coming. This is your room. “This is my room?!” And on it goes.

Its quite sweet and he is pretty cute in all this. I have adjusted my sleeping. When he goes to bed I crawl into my bed too! Then I’ll get a few hours of solid sleep before I’m up any number of times in the night. One night we slept all through. I’m here for an indeterminate number of months or even years.

As you know, I was all set to continue winter camping on Vancouver Island and seeing more of the land, spaces, and people. But, this is an opportunity to spend time with my dad before he is gone from us. These moments in time come around once in a lifetime and I am not going to miss it. There is a big lot of assistance already in each day, but the family has been hard-pressed to keep up with the advanced dementia. So I am here.

The thing I love most about my family is how we all show up. We are not in each others lives in opinion or comment in any way. We can all be in the house and not see each other for days or even weeks sometimes. But when there is something to attend to, we are present. So, I am back to showers, hot showers!, electricity, internet, running water, hot water!, and a fridge.

These are such luxuries after managing ice in coolers, sponge baths behind bushes, walking some distances for water, and heating water on my little stove for dishwashing. Now, I LOVE all that simplicity that comes with tenting. Really love it. But, it is amazing to have all these things at hand.

I’m trying not to gain back the weight I lost. Thats a bit difficult with my dads cookies right in the cupboard. I’m trying to keep the rhythm of NOT eating at 9pm. While living in a tent where all food is put into the car due to bears, one is not grabbing midnight snacks! I’ll try to keep to this here too.

Now, I had already determined that I needed to take one year to consider, plan, and prepare our way forward with a House of Prayer.

It is important to let the dust settle on this past 9 weeks of ministry travel and observation. I’ll take a breath. And then we see what the Lord is impressing upon us. What stands out. How we want to proceed in due time. With enough time for the Lord to edit, to eliminate anything out of and off the table. So, being here for a time gives the same room for the thinking, conversations, and prayer that are necessary to move forward, being nimble and settled into the leading of God. And, as the Lord reminded me, an ANCIENT well of The Spirit is not going anywhere!

Thank you God for all good things at due time. And thank you for this time I get to spend with my dad. The photo at the top is from 2010. It’s one of my favorite photos of my dad. And he still looks much the same today.

Interestingly, in the book Poustinia, about rhythms of days with the Lord, of silent abiding in prayer, the author relays that the one who lives this way does embark away from the silence to care for those who may need. So, here I am, in the rhythm of the Poustinia. With all glory to the Lord!

P.S. I am hosting a six-week class on being Advanced in The Kingdom. It begins October 16 and runs through November 20th. Here is the link for further information: https://cyndylavoie.com/advanced-in-the-kingdom/

We are going to talk about how to bear good fruit. Join us!


Published by Cyndy Lavoie

Founding and Executive Director at Capturing Courage International Ministries.

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